Pregnancy loss

Well, this update isn't one I want post. It needs to be done however.

(TMI warning)
On Saturday in one of our first outtings in weeks I fell ill. Turns out I was starting to miscarry. We made it through dinner at Star Pizza. To my horror, I bled through to the chair. We canceled the rest of our plans and headed home while calling the dr.

The pain was worse than I remember and came on hard Saturday night. The dr said to monitor and go to hospital if looks abnormal. Sleep was allusive and I think I passed out around 6am.

Today is Tuesday and I'm still in bed with cramps and little bleeding. My next appt is Thursday, hopefully we had a complete miscarriage and won't have to go to the hospital for an D&C.

David has worked from home the past two days. I am so blessed. He has also finished work early and then sat with me in bed until bedtime.

My heart is broken and in so many pieces. We saw a heartbeat for the first time in all my pregnancies. The chances of miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat dropped down to 10%. I can't even beat those odds. What is wrong with me? Life is so unfair and so rough. I really don't know how to get through this. I know God is there somewhere. I just can't hear Him through my screams.

What to say, what to do. I am at a complete loss and feel like I'm in a hole with no way out. How do you hold hope with so much loss? Seven babies in heaven. I can't do this.